Here we go again. It is like same song different verse. On Thursday I will have two different appointments with healthcare providers. In the morning I will go get blood drawn before I teach for further testing for autoimmune issues. In the afternoon it will be my first appointment for physical therapy to try to improve my injured shoulder and avoid surgery.
Those may not sound like big deals, but when life has been one long series of tests, doctors, fatigue, pain, it gets old especially when there is uncertainty. Finding out I had hypothyroid took over a year. Finding out I have Celiacs took about a year. Something else is going on, so more tests.
This has been my life since 1994. One step forward and two steps back at times. To be honest, there have been times I have asked the Lord to take me home because pain has been my constant companion for twenty five years and every time there seems to be an answer, it flares up again or just stays.
What is different this time is the list I have of all the possible symptoms even if they seem trivial, extreme sensitivity to light and smell, constant fatigue even waking up tired, etc. My doctor has ordered up several blood tests.
BUT- the Lord is not done with me in this life yet. He has called me to reach out to refugees and immigrants from all over the world. When I wake up still tired, it is my students and ministry contacts that motivate me to get going, to pray, and to go about my day.
So for this year, I have adopted a theme passage from Philippians 1 to remind me of why the Lord has kept me here.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body”
The only reason for me to continue on in this life is to serve God by showing his love to those so desperately in need of his love. Only the Lord knows if I have five more years, ten more years or more to go in this life. However long, he has a purpose for me to be here. If that means enduring more years of pain and fatigue, then yes it is more necessary for many that I remain.
Even today there are opportunities to show his love. I will meet with a student from Brazil this morning and then visit a Mandean family from Iran this afternoon. Each day brings opportunities, so to remain here means more fruitful labor for me as Paul wrote.
Thank you for reading. God Bless.