I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words
Following Jesus does not guarantee us a life free of trouble, difficult times, downfalls in life, or illness. There are times that we feel the words in the lyrics.
I know I have had times that I was confused because I had heard him so clearly and a major downfall hit. A huge example is when I left a promising career to go to school to study for ministry. I could not finished my education there because of my first serious bout with chronic illness.
When I came back to my home city, I experienced ridicule. I went through the experience of almost dying alone except two faithful friends. Over time, step by step, Jesus led me to the ministry I have now, but the ordeal was not easy and nothing I would wish on anyone.
Even now at this time in my life, when there are times chronic illness interferes with ministry, it is hard to accept. Staying home with no energy and in pain only being able to watch videos is not something I enjoy.
We face times that we have our own Garden of Gethsemane moments of surrender to God not knowing how it will all work out or if it even will.
On the night before Jesus was crucified, he was in the Garden of Gethsemane. His pray was so intense that he sweat blood. He knew what was ahead of him. He prayed to the Father in Matthew 26:
“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Following Jesus means a life of moments of coming to understand- Thy Will Be Done.
This video Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott and the Scott Family expresses so beautifully how such moments feel.
Thank you for reading. God Bless.